This is the only social network I kept clear on my tab. Considerably, I’m still into instagram though. It’s open on my phone. Anyway, several things have taken place, but it seems that it is entirely the same.
It is still lonely. And, everything is still a lie. I am still lying to myself everyday. I’m lying about loving “me” when in fact I totally despise “me” for being like this.
I totally despise myself for being pathetically jobless at the age of 27. I totally despise myself for liking someone who will never like me back. I totally, totally despise myself for being broke and broken- hearted. I want to scream at the top of my lungs for lying to myself, believing that I’m okay, but in reality, I am not A okay. I’m hurt, sad, lonely, confused, frustrated, unappreciated, and overall, depressed.
I just really want to just run from all of these. I just really want to sleep for like forever. I just want to cry a river of tears to ease the pain and heartaches away. I did everything to be happy. But, happiness is a passing feeling. There must be joy. You must feel joy for joy is ever lasting. I want joy- not happiness.